So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
