i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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