She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
