we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
