I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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