Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
