Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize