my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
