don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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