You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i need some magic done to my vagina
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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