fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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