Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
