We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
