Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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