I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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