im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just found puke in my bra..
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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