3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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