I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
