at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
