Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
