dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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