whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
