Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
