I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
