she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
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