Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
