It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize