I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
