in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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