So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
