Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
