I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
