It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Its about making memories worth repressing
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
