Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
40s are totally the cure
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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