i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
