I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
