if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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