im drinking this country out of the recession.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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