I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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