She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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