I just saw a hot homeless man
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize