He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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