Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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