You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
