you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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