dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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