Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
