Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
