the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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