Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
