Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
