What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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