i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
