I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize