I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
