Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
