we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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