Just fell off a train. Bad.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
