some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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