It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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