smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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