Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
