Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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