I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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