Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
