Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
