Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Holy shit dude........stairs
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
