If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
