Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
you will always have a special place in my vag
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize