you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
