I wish my penis had an off switch
I am spending my child support on dildos
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
