There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
