my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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