every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
