who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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