I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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